There's FAITH and then there's that other thing.

It's the substance of things hoped for & the evidence of things not seen. Well, at least this is how the Hebrews defined FAITH. I guess you can say that. I'd like to think, perhaps, that's it's not belief without proof but merely trust without reservation. Hmph...good old' reservation. The uncertainty and the apprehensiveness of it all.

I used to have a lot of faith. Faith that things will work out. Faith that all people are good. Faith that situations are not as complicated as they seem. But then too much shit started hitting the fan and blew every-damn-where, every-damn-day so unexpectedly and when wind hits shit, u know it permeates the air and makes you gag. I either began losing my ground or I forgot to shine and polish my faith gun. Either way, I lost faith somewhere in the Forest of Falter or on the Island of Incertitude. Perhaps its in the closet hidden behind my plethora of shoes or in my trunk of incredulity. Hell, I don't know where the hell I left it. All I know is there is a disconnect somewhere and I aim to put the pieces back together.

I'd like to think that I'm a realist. I tend to view things as they really are. I accept things as I see them, when I see them and where I see them. But then again, I'm Aquarius. Our heads are always in the clouds. So, my question is can a realist have faith? I'd like to say, yes. I'm one of those people--used to be anyway. Hey, I said I'm working on it! Don't judge me, just listen. In his sermons, my father would often hit on the parable of moving mountains. If you had as much faith as the grain of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. Hmm...
Judging by the mustard seed I now wear around my neck, the size isn't much. It's practically the size of the pointy end of a pencil--ya know the lead part. You can barely feel it or see it. You would probably go cross-eyed if you tried to look at it in the palm of your hand. That small huh? Now, have you ever tasted a mustard seed? Its tiny but packs a hell of a punch. Infinitesimal in size with an immeasurable impact. So, why is it so hard for me to garnish that wee bit amount of faith? Just having the idea of faith should be good enough right? Perhaps I've become fearful of faith. Sounds counter intuitive huh? Maybe I am fearing that if I had the wee bit amount of faith in something and that something still went awry then I'd be angry at faith. I mean who or what can I be angry at if what I had faith in took a nose dive? Faith? Hell, besides that, I'd be angry at myself and no one likes to be angry at themselves. Then you'd have to blame yourself. Who really wants to do that? Funny but I think that's it. Yeah you're laughing but I truly think I've found my truth in all of this. Is there a such thing as failed faith? Can faith fail you? Perhaps is it I that has failed faith. Hmph maybe faith never went anywhere, I just failed to acknowledge it. Perchance it is I that got lost on the Isle of Incertitude or in that Faltering Forest. Hmm...

As I've stated, lately I've been wearing my mustard seed charm everyday. Every time I begin to think negatively or faithless about something, I grab it and hold on tight until my though change, even for a minute. I clutched it so hard in my sleep last night that I woke up with sore fingers--minus my arthritic pain. Anyway, its a process. I must trust the process. Believe the process. Have faith in the process.  And right now, I feel that it's gonna be a bumpy ride. So, I'm still wearing my stilettos!

The title of this entry is called There is FAITH and then there's that other thing. If you haven't figured out what that other thing is then perhaps you didn't get the gist of this post. Log off, think about it, come back and read it again. SMH

//signed//
The Faithless Cat's Meow