Can I walk on water now?

Ok so I decided to take a much needed trip to the spa this weekend. I treated myself to a lil reflexology just to get my feet played with a lil. Hey I don't have a boo so it was the only thing I could think of....DON'T JUDGE ME! LOL Anyway, whilst waiting in the waiting area for my feet to be played with all while relieving stress, I stumbled upon one of the sevices the VIDA ORGANIC SPA offered. One of those services was the Ionic Foot Bath. Hhmmmm....I've heard of this before, read about it it's benefits but never got the chance to participate in the foot bathing festivities so I figured why not. Stacey was with me and we surprisingly had nothing to do so I treated us both to one. Yeah, I love my friend even though she's trying to divorce me!
The benefits of the Ionic Foot Cleanse/Bath are supposed to be as follows (I say supposedly b/c there are many speculations as to the benefits of the thingy but I'll let you know later if it works or not):

- ionic foot baths stimulate and rebalance the whole bioenergetic field,
- clear up energetic blockages / unblock the energy flow in the meridians
- facilitate capillary micro-circulation in the organs (including the detoxifying organs)
- improve lymphatic circulation and boost immune functions, thus increase the body's ability to fight infections, inflammations and cancer
- enhance the functioning of the detoxifying organs such as the liver, kidneys, colon, skin and lungs
- enhance the body's ability to protect itself from electromagnetic field radiation
- have a general stimulating effect on the whole organism increasing the overall sense of well-being
- ion foot baths improve sleep and memory functions
- decrease recovery time after injuries, surgeries and diseases
- help repairing the tissues, especially the connective tissues; increase flexibility
- enhance nutrient absorption
- help to relieve headaches, arthritis and joint pain

In otha words, this shindig is supposed to detox your body.....THRU THE FEET! Huh? What?

Now, the colors in the water is supposed to represent the part of the body being detoxed or problematic for you. I thought...yeah right. So being that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, according to this color wheel my ionic water should turn orange. Hmmm....(tapping finely manicured hands on chin). This is betta work or I will cut up!
The Color Wheel is as follows:
Black liver and gallbladder
Black Flecks heavy metals
Blue kidney
Brown liver, tobacco, cellular debris
Green gallbladder
Orange joints
Red Flecks cellular debris, blood clot material
Yellow bladder, urinary tract, female/prostate area
Cheesy candidas (yeast infection), fungal infections
Foam mucus
Oil Floating fat

Low & behold my damn water turned Yellow then Orange & Brown with Red Flecks! Holy Guacamole this shit may just be the truth. I've had bladder surgery, I have RA and my blood clotting is def not up to par. My water got so crumy it was growing moss on the side of the foot bath thingy-ma-jig! OH No! I'm all corrupted on the inside. GOTDAMN GRIDDLE CAFE has got it in for me! I'ont care!
The funny thing is, Stacey's water never turned colors at all and that trollop is dirtier than I am! What gives? They tried it twice and still nothing. Hmmm...so what does that mean? (tapping manicured hands AND toxic feet)So now Stacey has to walk around mad with dirty feet and a toxic body. Now did yall see that if oil is floating that you're...ahhemm..overweight right? Ok Just checkin'....

Yall should try it out and bring me back a full report whilst I research a lil mo'. Now that my feet has been cleansed of all inequities, may I attempt to walk on water?

//signed//
The Toxic bodied Cat's Meow