The Family Curse

     As I sit here alone in the coffee shop, admiring the cute couples walking by hand-in-hand, I can't help but to feel a lil slighted and envious. Where is my mate? Did the heavens 4get to make me one or did someone snatch him up when I wasn't looking? Was it something I said or did to possibly run him away? Where the hell is my Knight in Shiny Fucking Armour?! I don't know. I decided to figure out what the deal is. Maybe I should see what the admireable women in life did to remain happy with a mate but there is one problem. I can't configure my favorite granny's technique cuz...well...I ain't ever seen her with granpa. *scratches her off the list* Why don't I look at my moms? Surely every Diva can look to moms for advice but...err....moms and pops divorced when I became an adult. Next in line, 2 of my aunts. They are beautiful as ever and successful in their own right and those bishes can dress to the nines so of course they are happy with their mate. No wait, they live together. One has divorced the same man TWICE and the other has never been married. Gee whiz... My maternal granny ran all of her men away and I definately see how. She ran my ass away and I wasn't married to her! Come to think of it, I can think of no woman in my family that is greatly secure and happy in a relationship. And before you take it to the "you don't need a mate to be happy" level, don't go there. Companionship is needed in the world. It is not the foundation for happiness but it damn sure is a fixture for it. I mean really, who wants to wake up, go to sleep, have spats, walk the beach, crack jokes or make love alone everyday?  It's good to be alone sometimes and sometimes I even love it but all the time is a no-go! I mean I love mac & cheese but do I wish to eat it everyday? Hell naw!

     Now the kicker is this, I can honestly say that I've been loved mutually once in my life (sadly, well over 12 yrs ago). But I was a tad bit young and so was he but he had no qualms with letting everyone know who came first. I was his Chocoate Bunny....the Queen Bee....that was it and that was all! He remembered my birthday, knows my favorite color, told me he loved me without hesitation, thought I was the prettiest thing ever, knew I was smart, listened to every word I said and will have kicked your ass if you were so happen to look at me side-ways! Lmao! I loved that. The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved. The problem lied with my parents. He wasn't as afluent as they wanted him to be, conservative as they would have liked and he was by no means a choir boy or a Poindexter. All the lil girlies wanted him for he is rather handsome but I had him. LOL This nerdy, lil chocolate pigtailed girl that everyone thought was funny looking & shy was loved by the Rico Suave' and they hated it! The parents had an issue with that and so did the majority of my family. The parental units did everything in their power for us to "cease and desist". Of course it worked I guess.
     It is said that you only get one true love in your life so hold on to it for dear life. Well if this is true then gotdamnit I was fucking robbed and I want a do over! I feel I have been patient enough. What the hell is going on with the Powers that Be? I can no longer conform to the madness. I'm weary of dudes telling me that I'm too much of something. No busta I ain't too much! You're just too much of nothing & not enuff of everything!  13 years and 2 horrific boyfriends later, I am still alone. I deserve somebody too shit! Ooops my bad, I got side-tracked. *snickering* I am  woman now. I've been a lot places and seen a lot of faces. Ah hell I've even fucked with different races. (courtesy of Lil Kim in How Many Licks). I know myself, I know what I want, how to get it and I stand on my own two feet in my own damn stilettos that I've purchased myself! Isn't that what the men of today's society is asking for? That's what they tell me. I'm independent and I for damn sho' am a "sight for sore eyes" even when I wake up  in the morning. What I don't understand is why all the exes are trying to reclaim their spot in my kitchen when the food was cooked perfectly the first time to begin with? All of a sudden they all are apologetic, have seen the light and have come to their sense. EVERY LAST ONE OF 'EM! I am the same person I was when you decided to leave b/c I was a 'bit much'. I'm still beautiful. I still have my own shit. I'm still a great listener and a damn good cook. I'm still sensitive and affectionate. I'm still supportive and funny. Why you refused to see that initally is beyond me but I don't backtrack buddies.
     Where does the curse come in at you ask? Simple, aren't curses passed down thru generations? I think stuff like this is genetically affixed to one's life. I mean, men know how to treat women when they have seen it first hand from pops or another positive male figure in their lives. The same for women possibly. I mean, I know how to treat my mate by watching ma dukes and the older women in my life. I had an aunt that was so wonderful, beautiful internally and externally, loved children and people, a positive influence in the community and the total opposite of me and she died alone. She wanted children desparately but didn't have any. She had no mate at all. She's not the only person I know of like this so to me, it has to be a curse and I'm mad about. Why did I have to be involved? Somebody needs to tell me something and fast! The Powers that Be has got some 'splaining to do.
     Sometimes I can't help but to think about the fact that I can count all of my dates on one hand excluding the thumb. Even the one where the dude came to my house and stood me up! He came to pick me up, said he was going back to his car to clear the seat for me to sit down but failed to come back up and get me. I caught the elevator down to the lobby to his car just to find out that he had left. Talk about depressing? I can't for the life of me still figure out why he drove an hour just to come and stand me up. So what it happened 7 years ago! I am still mad about it. I guess some people aint meant to have a mate. They are just here for the world to enjoy. My love life was sacraficed for yall's entertainment so yall betta enjoy me damnit!
     Yeah, mutual love is the greatest when you find it. Don't be so quick to write a person off if their head is too round, or their fingers don't match their toes, or they don't make as much money as you, or b/c you're an introvert but flamboyant, or if they don't like mushrooms and u hate their bestfriend. True love is hard to come by and can be easy to keep if u play your cards right. I must say that sometimes when I get down in the dumps for not having a person that is crazy about me and will let the world know, I do think of Phillip Lorenzo Peck (yes, I called him by his government name). I smile for I know it's not possible for one to love me even if it was once in my life. Shout out to PLP!

The saga continues...

//signed//
The Cat's Meow