Case #1(named changed to protect the ignorant)
I meet Kynan over a year ago. He approached me with, “Ms Lady, you are too sweet for words and you are working that hair mama!” (those who really knows me knows that I hate being called that but I won’t shoo him off for something that is evidently in his personality so I overlook it) Anyway, I obliged him with a lil convo, a few sips of coffee and eventually ‘the digits’. The brotha appeared to have a lil something going on, a lil sense even, his personality was very tolerable and I must admit that he was quite pleasurable to the eye so I was cool. After about a month of tag teaming tongues and surface scratching, he decided he wanted to take it a lil further with me. “Perhaps this is good”, I thought. NEGATIVE!
His ass: I cannot see how any man has not captured your heart and saved you for himself yet. This is so hard to believe. You have a good head on your shoulders, a beautiful spirit to make that lovely face, a personality to die for and we won’t even talk about the kitchen skills! So since those dumb brothas don’t know a good woman from a hole in the wall, I’ma step out on a limb & attempt to make you my own. (cue in Sunshine Anderson’s only hit)
Me: Hmmm..sounds considerable. We can ponder on this a bit. So things were going pretty good until one day he asked if I ever considered growing my hair out. *side eye* Me: Umm no. I’m actually on my way to get a haircut as we speak. A hush came over the room…or should I say the phone. I attempted to pick up the conversation when he cut me off with a, “Why?” Now I say to myself, “Now self? And myself said, “Huh? —Why do I need to explain to HIM why I don’t wanna grow MY hair out? Last time I checked I was an adult. Did something change?” Myself answered with a “Bish NO!” So I gave him the answer that myself gave me. He didn’t like that answer. Him: So you mean if you was my girl you wouldn’t grow your hair out for me?
Me: 1st I’m not a girl Sweetcheeks. I’m a woman. 2ndly, why would you want me to grow my hair out?
Him: Cuz I love long hair and that’s really all I’ll accept. (how cute of him)
Me: Well I’m sorry to disappoint you but I won’t be growing my hair out. I’m me with or without long hair. Last time I checked, the hair never made the person and lastly Boo, when you met me my hair was this length and its one of the first things you complimented so what happened?
Him: So, I take that as you won’t grow it out? (Is it me or is he hard of hearing?)
Him: So, I take that as you won’t grow it out? (Is it me or is he hard of hearing?)
Anyway, to make a long hair or story short, his ass went about his merry lil way citing that we didn’t have the same interest and that he was interested in creating something with me but I was interested in myself. LMAO Naw dude you were interested in my hair, not ME!! Press Bitch!
Case #2 (again, name changed to protect him cuz he doesn't know any better)
Ok so it’s been a while since I’ve ‘felt’ a male companion. I mean felt as in think of him as much as I think of shoes or food, wonders what he's doing a lot and so forth. Ya know…like really feeling a person? Don’t act all brand new, you know what I mean! Anywho, I’d recently built a wall. That wall is not to keep anyone out but merely to see who has the balls to climb over it. We all have to do this at one point. So anyway, I came across “Donovan” (I love this name). Our first date included a self-debate on religion. I say self debate cuz it was something that was near and dear to HIM, not me so he was primarily tryna convince HIMSELF that his belief reign supreme. lmao yeah ok...don't we all. He's Christian. I'm not. It’s not that I don't believe in a higher being or beings but I feel like it's a belief and no one should be trynaOk so back to our regularly scheduled programming. Now normally I woulda left his ass right there at the damn table. I don't debate with people I barely know. I've got bigger fish to fry. But for some reason I stayed seated, munched my Italian side salad & listened to this guy ‘judge’ me. Again, how cute. As time went on, I spent a little time with him & again for some reason I really ENJOYED this dude. I normally only enjoy time with…well…me and there are things about him that I definitely wouldn’t tolerate from any other person but him….interesting…..hmm. Now if you know me, you know I think a lot and analyze e’thang. Part of me said to stick with it but the other part of me said to be like horny & delusional dude and pull out. I listened to the latter part of me. Am I a punk? Nah Honey, my heart does NOT pump kool aid but I am definitely keep’n it guarded. I’ve learned my damn lesson. Needless to say, he resurfaced. It kinda made me feel really special. Pick up where we left off? Perhaps
Fastforward: He’s been out of the country briefly and we communicate more than a few times a week. I was feeling good, thinking of him, planning events for his return….ya know the whole 5 yards (not the whole 9 cuz I’m not completely convinced yet). I woke up one morning, preparing to talk to him, send him pics, tell him how my day was and etc. And as soon as I begun to feel the mushiness inside he throws the “why are you not Christian” again. SMDH Lawd why me?! This was just 2 damn good 2 be friggin true! He obviously did not get the memo or his ass didn’t read it to its entirety the first time. I will not go here with him again. I don’t juggle my beliefs nor do I try to justify or explain them. They are mine alone!
My answer: I feel that religion separates people and have them focusing on things that they really have no knowledge of the outcome. People miss out on blessings due to religion sometimes.
I let him say his piece as usual and get all his ‘truths’ out on the table. I didn’t argue with him or become confrontational. I am no longer a little girl. I will not fight over something that no one has control of. To make a long story short, he too says I’m what he wants in a mate and he even mentioned the marriage word but…..yes, again, there was a “but”. How did you know? LOL He went on to tell me how the Bible says that relationships are supposed to be equally yoked. Funny. I thought it referred to marriages being equally yoked but you know how some Christians are; they only give you half of the scripture or the edited-judgemental version.
My response: Marriages fail everyday b/w people that are equally yoked. (He should know that from personal experience & I'll leave it at that)
He continues to plead his case I guess. Then I pretty much told him that he can discontinue having me in his life if he chooses and for him to find that equally yoked partner. I’ve learned that things like this foster negative energy, bad emotions & waste time; time that I don’t have. Well, I do have the time but I refuse to waste it on something as nonsensical as this. I'd rather get to loving. If he wishes to compromise his happiness than who am I to stand in his way eh? It's his happiness--not mine. I no longer attempt to influence anyone to keep ME around. I am worth it. If ya don’t see that than kick rocks in flip flops shawty. Your loss! He wanted to remain friends. I was reluctant but we’ll see. Is he still around? Yes. Do I still see him in the same capacity as I did previously? Let’s just say that I’ve added another brick to my wall. If he dares to climb over it then I say ,"Buddy, take your best shot and good luck.!" I admire his passion for his belief but homie I will not compromise myself for you or anyone else!
Why do we insist on risking our happiness for conditional acceptance? It’s that “I’ll only accept you if you do this, say that or be this” attitude. Who would even want to be with someone that sways with the blowing of the wind? Why surround yourself with a person with a feeble mind and will do anything to get accepted? It doesn’t remotely make sense to me. It’s like changing a person. If you change a person’s whole makeup into something you wish for them to become then will this be the same person you fell in love or strong ‘like’ with? Most likely not! I was sure to tell “Donovan” that I accepted him any way he is regardless if he sometimes appears to be off his rocker. SMDH I still smile when he calls, blushes when he says he misses me & think of him every now and again. I do all of this from behind my wall of course. //signed//
The FIXED Cat’s Meow
The FIXED Cat’s Meow
If I lessen who I am because of you and compromise myself to keep you then I’m not being who I am for you. That means I can’t be who I really am with you and baby that just ain’t me. ~elvadaseleithia
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