Where Are YOU?

While driving in a hurricane there are 3 people @ the bus stop: 1 lil ole lady that is sick & will die if she doesn't get medical care now, ur bff that has saved ur life & the woman/man of ur dreams. There is only room enough in the car for one more person. Who do u take? A hypothetical question that tells where u r at n ur life.

Deriving A Plan 2 Reevalauate, Recuperate, Rejuvenate & Re....something (Part I)

     If you've read my tragedy of February 23 then you know by now that I'm currently in a Diva-is-Down situation. Lawd grant me the serenity cuz I'm still in quite a funk & mad about it. Whatever should I do? I will forever be without one of the souls that made me smile. The one that made me the perfect eggs. The only one I considered having children with and if you know me, you know I am HIGHLY allergic to children. I've gone from sad to angry to upset to denial to rejected, back to sad, anger with a twist of disappointment, confusal (I know it's not a word but follow along) & in the state of refusal. I've decided to amputate my feelings from him altogether. Why even continue with anything concerning him? Why on earth did he still want to continue to be in my lil world after all of this? I'm learning to stop trying to figure it out. It's no use. I have to learn to accept the things I can not change. People do the most stupidest things & can make the dumbest decisions known to man. It's not my job to figure it out. I may never figure it out. My job is to figure me out. Where am I going? What do I do now? Where do I go & how the hell long will it take me to get there? Can I pay for a ticket to get me there sooner?  Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like I made him my whole world. U know I am MY world, just so you know so don't get the shit twisted. I just loved him in it. Whichever country or state he was in my heart, I loved him there. I know there is no changing that. Do I forgive him? Is there anything to forgive? I don't know.  He can't make his heart feel something it won't & his heart said, "Dude I ain't ready." At least I think it was his heart. Coulda been  fear. Things are not always what they seem but like I said, it aint for me to figure it out. That's his job. I can't nor did I ever try to change him. I know can & will gain the courage to change the things I can. And that change is deciding to get over it. It'll be a process. This love has been harvested love for over 10 yrs so u R gonna have to gimme a minute but it can be done. I've prayed for help. though I'm not quite sure who I prayed to but I know they heard me cuz I asked for a sign from whatever entity that heard me. That sign came in my pink lighted tweezers.

Now the flashlight on these things have not worked in 3 years! I've beat them, threw them, bought them new batteries and everything and the light never lit again until the night of 25 February when I *gulp* prayed. I came home to naturally cry again at almost midnight when I saw a lil light on in my bathroom. I thought maybe it was my salt lamp but no. This light was tiny as hell. Then I thought maybe I left something plugged up for charging. Nope. WTH is it then? Not my makeup, not the neighbors light from next door & definitely not my toothbrush. I turned the light off 2 follow the light. It was my damn tweezers! Ok now who's fucking with me? These things ain't worked in years and I didn't think to inspect them for that very reason. I look to the "heavens from which cometh my help" as they say. Are yall fucking with me? I tried to turn them off and turn them back on. The turn off was successful, the turn on...not so much. I unscrewed the part that held the battery. No damn battery to speak of. R u serious? Is this my sign? Who heard me? What part did they hear? Lord did u hear the whole prayer or just some of it? Ut oh, if u heard it all then u heard my profanity too huh? Well you know my heart.

     Now to figure out what I need to figure out. They say one step to getting over a broken heart is to let it out. Talk about it. Check. I'm doing that already. Then they said to cry. Don't be afraid to cry. If u know me then u know I ain't scured to cry. I wish I was. As a matter of fact, I've cried so much that I ran outta tears. I guess that's why the angels cried for 3 days after that. They took over for me so check crying off the list. What next? How I wish there were an outline for situations such as these. I guess I'll make my own. This is why this will be continued.

//signed//

The Wandering Cat's Meow

From the Outhouse to Brickhouse

Well she's a brick---house! She's mighty, mighty, just lett'n it all hang out! I guess this is what one of my friends said one day when looking in a mirror. She didn't like what she saw and decided to do something about it and quickly! Don't we all wish we had such rapid motivation? She was always the one who went out and did what she wanted, when she wanted and fast. Gone 'head V! With the ever changing technology, ever changing health care and ever changing economy comes an ever changing body. Yeah, yeah, you may think your metabolism will stay the same, you'll always look 21 yrs old & you'll always see your feet w/o your belly in the way but you're wrong. Loud & wrong but it's ok. Even the skinniest of the skinny develop that lil Ethiopian belly with age. It's like rain & taxes....inevitable! Even your feet tend to get bigger if you don't watch your step. So just what are you gonna do about it? Maybe you should join Venus on her journey from an Outhouse to a Brickhouse. It seems like it'll be an exciting one and I can't wait until she finishes! As for myself, I'm arthritic, allergic to kids and manual labor and since working out falls into the manual labor category, I'm allergic to that 2! Oh the possibilities for Venus! Confucius said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step but in this case, The journey of 1000 pounds begins with one sit up (and NO Venus is NOT 1000 pounds!). Call me when you're done V, I'm about to go get me a donut and watch the game. Just knowing you're working hard at this makes me sweat my makeup off and since I wear that expensive shit I need to get my fair share of wear out of it. Luv ya and I'm proud of you! *stuffs mouth with 2nd donut* You can do it Boo!

Aight peeps, if you'd like to follow Venus on her trail to FINENESS (and don't get it twisted, my gurl is still da bizness), please hit her up on the link provided and share some words of encouragement along the way with my girl and if your ass is in need of a workout....join her!

http://www.outhousetobrickhouse.com/blog/    

//signed//

The Ever-Eating a Krispy Kreme Cat's Meow

City of Long Beach, I now find you guilty 4 the crime of Bullshitting in the Court of Life!



Whilst roaming thru my new corridors of Long Beach where I now reside, I've come upon a lot of bullshit that has me questioning some of the foolery running through the minds of some imbeciles.

Bullshit Exhibit A

For instance, I swear every cotton-picking day is street sweeping day in the LBC! WTF for? The streets still look like shit. Yet, they never fail to ticket the residence every chance they get. I don't understand why this is so when the parking here in NON-EXISTENT! And did I mention, the streets still look a hot mess even when I move my car? What the hell are they doing when my car isn't in the lucky spot I found, blowing the crap down the street? One day, I decided to actually watch for the assholes that issue tickets on DAILY basis and watch for the fools that 'clean the streets'. Tues, Wed, Thurs and Friday I saw NOT one bullshit cleaning truck sweeping not ONE Avenue! Don't that just beat all? And talk about mahyem, they have a nerve to post this mess-------->

Who the hell is sweeping a street at 4am? No one obviously! I've even rushed outside to move my car one day before the traffic cops ticketed my car just to notice that I was too late, but wait, it was 8:20 in the AM and I didn't have a ticket on my car! Wahoo! I beat the damn system somehow. I skipped on down to the local Von's to acquire things for my victory breakfast and just what did I see? Bullshit exhibit B:

Is this mofo sleeping on the damn job? Yes Sir, I do believe he is? I don't understand it, I don't understand it! But wait, this could help me out later in court when I fight 1 of these bogus tickets. I was issued a ticket one day at 8:37 AM which was well after the street sweeping hours. I bet you it was this creep! *saves picture in incriminating evidence file* Do you know how many people would love to have his job or any damn job right now? He obviously doesn't appeciate it or is it not challenging enough for him? And might I add they clean the same street on two separate days? Holy crap! Why can't they clean the whole street in one day? Hell they have 4 freaking hours to damn do it!

 

Bullshit Arena #2

Who on earth harasses HOMELESS people? The Dirtbag City of Long Beach, that's who! My Coffee Caliente Compadre "Scott the Snot" just informed me that he saw one of the Long Beach Flashlight Cops harassing a poor lil homeless woman up the street. What the hell was the flashlight cop doing bantering this poor woman who was minding her own business behind her very own fire hydrant? Then his or her ass had the audacity to talk shit on the walkie-talkie. I mean WTH hell were they doing, calling for backup? *smdh*

A couple of days ago as I was walking down 6th, I looked up from my text (shut up, there is no walking and texting law...yet), just to find a full on swat team cocked and ready for another homeless dude!You don't see the homeless dude huh? HE'S BEHIND A DUMPSTER yelling "I'm tired of it all!"  *insert blank stare* Now where were these assholes when my car was broken into while the thief fled the scene? Nowhere to be gatdern found! They told me that they weren't coming out for a burglarized car when they have real crime to fight. Since when did being a homeless man residing behind a dumpster become a real crime? Please enlighten me because I am at a loss for words. The other day, I witness a doughnut eater citing a homeless man for not having identification. *crickets chrip*. WTF does he need ID for, to write a rent check? After a myriad of citations what will become of poor lil Homeless Harry? Are you gonna throw him in jail Long Beach? So not only are you wasting tax payer's dollars by paying sleeping on-the-job parking attendants but you're also flushing our money down the toilet by jailing "Harry". What gives? What say you, Long Beach? Hmph, I guess they have to find the funds somewhere to pay for the $20, 000 Capitol Bear that jerk-wad of a governor purchased for the state of Cali. And speaking of jerk-wad....

 

Bullshit Exhibit C

Only the state of damn California would nominate and vote an 'actor' into political office AND one, I might add, was not born on American soil and can't pronounce the name of the state in which he'll be sitting. I am too mad about this. He can't even ACT like a governor! Shit like this really makes my ass itch beyond recognition. Get it togetha Cali!

 

And Long Beach, what the hell is up with this 24 minute parking only shananigan? Who the hell goes anywhere for only 24 minutes and mind you in the beach area? Hell, I take more than 24 minutes to go to the damn bathroom! *sighs* So much Bullshit, So little time to cover it all but you get the gist of my rants.

With this plethora of citations in tow, I can only come to the conclusion of sentencing you, Long Beach, to 5 years in hell for the poppycock you continue to pull. Your drivel antics have shown me that you have low to no regard for the wonderful people that keep you up and running ridiculously. I now throw the damn book at you in hopes that you get your shit togetha expeditiously. I suggest you move with some sense of urgency for I am the Judge and the Godamn Jury since I pay taxes! Get thee the hell outta my face BITCHES!

 

//signed//

The Judicial Cat's Meow

You May Beg My Pardon!

Why must one test the Queen's gangsta on a daily basis? Don't try and answer that. You may hurt yourself. Here I am minding my own business when the Diva-phone rings with such pizazz. It was one of my professors and by the way my phone rang, I know there must be foolishness in the gatdamn musty air. It wasn't long until I had her to cut to the chase after much useless and boring small talk. The convo went as follows:

Professor: Your last paper was great, E. I didn't think you wrote it at first. I tried to find plagiarism but I was wrong. I didn't know you had it in you. Pardon me and I apologize.

Me:  Excuse you. Contrary to your belief but I may speak ebonics & act a fool in class & I may even cuss out a classmate or two on any given day but I am greatly aware of proper English etiquette, I'm very well versed, write exceptionally well and am highly intelligent. Knowledge & intellect sits in this perfectly rounded bald head, talent lies in my eyes and my lips aint just for decoration Honey, wisdom spews from them so don’t get it twisted. Yeah you’re right, PARDON YOU BISH and dat's MISS E to YOU!

I wonder if her ass is still vibing with  the operator.

*in my operator voice* If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and don't try that bullshit again!

//signed//
The Intellectual, Well versed and Cussing Cat's Meow

FREQUENT UPDATES...Alright already!

Ok so I was approached earlier in the week, choked & gagged and forced to update this site constantly! WTF? I didn't know I had readers like that. U R NOT the boss of me Val!!!!!!

Ok so I am doing as instructed for now but only cuz u 'be' boxing folks!

So peeps, a lot has happened in the previous weeks, actually months but I've just been holding out on some things. I've decided to start my own Web-based bakery in hopes of bring culinary skillz to the public. I mean really, a lil black girl from down 'Souf', that's flamboyant, diva-fied and luvs to eat...where can you go wrong right? RIGHT! Let's see what else....oh ooh ooh yall have got to see my LOGO! No not the Gay Channel but my LOGO for my business, Dainty Treasures! I am so excited but I will not reveal it just yet. U hafta wait! hahahaharharhar *evil grins* More to come on Dainty Treasures. I'm going world-fucking-wide! I CAN NOT WAIT!

Let's see...oh oh oh oh...I've shaved my head yet AGAIN! BAM! Yeah I know, if U know me U know that I am constantly changing & constantly evolving...especially my hair! It's been skunked, half shaved, mohawked, long N front and slicked in back...u name it, I've done it. I actually started shaving my head yeeeaaarrrrsss ago. So, NO, Amber Rose DID NOT bring this N2 fruition & she did NOT rock it 1st. Ya gurl (dats me) DID. @ least I'd like to think so. I know I rocked it long before her ass! BALD BITCHES UNITE!   

What else has transpired? OH YEAH, I've joined the cast of "The Beautiful World" showing here in Los Angeles, well, more like North Hollywood. It's a children's theater show. Now who in the hell in their right  mind would cast my ass in a children's show?! U guessed it, someone NOT in their right mind! lmmfao! Po Lil Tink-Tink! Yall know I loves the kids.

I've started out the year with a couple of auditions too. That's a first! What the hell is up with Hollywood and the no-talent personalities they are adopting today? Damn does a bish need 2 bleach her skin, throw on a weave, get but shots & more tits (or lose ass and tits depending on the audience) & suck a couple of directors off to get a damn gig in this piece? Grrrr.........It seems that I'ma hafta bake my way N2 Hollyweird if it's the last shit I do!!!!

Love Freely

Don't attempt 2 luv harder or better. Just do it  &  do so freely. Love


falls N2 its rightful place @ its rightful time e'rytime.

Elvada Seleithia