Recycled Bullshit!

Ok Ok Ok! E'ryday, at every moment I am surrounded with foolishness and mayhem and shit that makes ya go "What the hell!" Ok now check it...I was roaming thru my queendom, checking upon my mere peasants when I got the urge to use the Lil Diva's Room. I scurried along in 5 inch, platform M. Jacobs to the powder room in this shopping establishment. I went into the stall, hung up my purse and just before I took out the toilet liner I noticed the water in the toilet had a slight yellow tint. "Who da hell used the bathroom and didn't flush? Old nasty gal!" Stall number 2...what ok so these little trollops don't believe in flushing the Johns these days!? Stall number 3 made this Meow scream loud as hell! In the middle of my ranting and raving I see this sign right about the toilet:

Now what in the Gagalicious Drawls is this mess?! Reclaimed water? Don't they mean RECYCLED PISS! Do you know how hard it was for me to Diva Drizzle in water that looked like someone else's pee? I was so afraid that I would pee too hard and the "pee" in the water would splash and hit me in the ass! Who the hell comes up with this stuff? It has to be a man since they don't have to sit and split. You know we women would not have come up with this nasty ass concept! Do you know how much I was Peed Off (no pun intended)! Whoever came up with this should be forced to drink this crappy idea on ice and rinse their mouf out with this nasty H2O. I am so appalled and insulted. How dare someone think this was a good i-fucking-dea!  Damn are we that damn broke that we have to recycle toilet water. Oh the debauchery! The catastrophic bullshit! I can't take it anymore...where the hell is my cockail?!

//signed//
The Disgustingly Irritated Cat's Meow

Wild Things Do NOT Make My Heart Sing!

What on earf is this world coming to? Don't answer that. Why did my co-counselor just tell me today that he has Sugar gliders in his home?! Now I say to myself, "Now self?" And myself says, "Huh". Is he telling me that he has Alvin, Simon and gotdern Theodore taking up residence in his home?" WTF? Do they at least sing?! First of all, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing can live in my home that does not pay rent, electricity, water or trash bill to be there. Times are hard and we are in a recession so if you c-o-h-a-b-i-t-a-t-e in my domicile, you better believe that you will be paying some damn bills! Hell naw, u ain't gonna be laying up on my couch all willy nilly funking up the joint and not pay any bills!

Secondly, how in the sam hills do you take something out of it's original habitat and encage it in ur room? (insert blank stare) How would you feel if I took you outta ur home, threw u in da back seat of my dusty Altima, and encaged you in my damn shoe box!? Would you like that? How about NO unless u some sick freak. Hell, I'm claustrophobic so u know my ass ain't trying to be caged up. How is this normal? Human beings are so gotdamn arrogant that we feel that we can just take some damn wildlife against it's own free and humble will and just lock it up in some cage and watch it. The damn gliders oughta bite the everloving shit outta him! What the hell is he doing with it in his room? They, for damn sure aint for entertainment. Those little shits bark, bite, pee down ur arm and keep you up at night. Who could possibly find entertainment in these shenanigans? I hear it takes about 15 minutes to even prepare a meal for these lil rodents. WTH? We won't talk about their asses shitting lil pellets all over the room. Oh the smell....*gulps* I think I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit!

Why, all of a sudden, this scenerio put me in the mind of an ex? Ate e'rything, shitted up a storm, funked up the joint and kept a bitch up all night with foolishness and mayhem! I should now change his ID in my phone to Human Sugar Glider.

*change ASSHOLE to Human Sugar Glider*



Ok back to our regularly scheduled programming....
This creature belongs in the wild. WILD meaning not domesticated! Not for home usage! Not to be housed as a pet! It means BITE THE SHIT OUTTA YOU! I hope for the life of me that this dude does not have a girlfriend or boyfriend depending on what he's into. Who would wanna make love to someone with this lil big-eyed critter staring at them barking?! I mean I'll try anything once but I refuse to perform an amateur porn show for a chipmunk looking critter! I just damn refuse....well how much money are we talking here? Not only is he harvesting Suger Gliders but his ass has like 2 cats and a damn dog I hear! Stop the gotdern madness! I can't talk about it anymore. My side hurts from laughing. Now I have the strong urge to watch the lil creature in a red shirt with an A on the front of it and his 2 orphaned brothers. Oh well, till next time folks.

//signed//
The Domesticated Cat's Meow

Emotional Workout in ya Mental Gym

Nowadays, I think 2 many people spend 2 much time strengthening & toning their bodies and little to no time at all strengthening & toning their minds & hearts. If there were an Emotional Workout or a Mental Gym would you buy a membership & workout everyday? Yeah, muscles are fine to look at but a flabby mind is horrible to feel and pretty useless. Some possess the mind of a jellyfish but have arms of steel, the abs of bricks and the heart of putty. They have no compassion or concern for the well-being of others and are immensely oblivious to the passion and happiness of themselves. You'd rather show your body then to show your heart? Why? Is there anything captured there or are you afraid of vulnerability? Some of us have this nonsensical belief that demonstrating none or possessing the lack of emotion makes us "hard". When was the last time you engaged in a relationship with your body...ya know, the part that matters? Have your heart and mind had a real conversation lately? What did they talk about? Did you find that you suffer from emotional constipation or expressive stultification? Have you learned to forgive or do you still hold grudges in that flabby lil heart of yours? I've known plenty of people that boast about harvesting grudges. Holding grudges is like piling all of your disdain for people in a potato sack. Eventually that burlap bag will be full and become heavier and heavier until it's unbareable or will it matter since you are "hard and strong" physically and all? Have you read a book to strengthen your mind or to expand your vocabulary lately? Instead of vomitting to stay skinny, how about absorbing inner peace to stay full? While you are jogging up the canyon, try bringing down a little faith with you. Have a lil compassion with your green tea and actively listen to your inner iPod before plugging APPLE earplugs into your ears. You might even learn something about yourself!

//signed//
The Assertively Suggestive Cat's Meow

R U paying Life's Rent on time?

“Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.” ~Shirley Chisholm

It's the third month of the New Year and people have already shaken their new "found" resolutions. I see a lot of "celebs" have fallen off the "I'm-giving-because-I-Care-During-the-Holiday-season" wagon while others have latched onto the "Let-me-show-the-world-how-much-I-care-two-weeks-before-my-album-drops" tittie. One thing that chaps my hide is 'conditional philanthropy'. During the festive season celebs and all the like were breaking their necks carving turkey, wrapping presents, passing out punkin' pie and rocking terminally ill children in their laps. Now, where are they? Have they moved on to pilot season or have they developed another weak ass attempt to gain notoriety? What about you? What have YOU done today to make you feeeeeel proud (insert Heather Small song here)? We have a tendency to forget that the desolute still needs shelter in February, the hungry still vie for food in July and the terminally ill will still be debilitated in September if the Lawd don't call them home before then. Have we NO SHAME!Why can't we care all year instead of when the lil round-bellied man reminds us at the end of the year to do so? How are you paying life's rent?
Some of us fail to demonstrate acts of kindness and compassion because we are so damn selfish. It's always me, ME, moi or I, I, I! Catch a freaking clue! The world can not heal itself without our help. Yeah I know we are responsible for our own happiness but it's a known fact that making others happy usually result in personal ecstacy right? I could be wrong but I highly doubt it!

//signed//
The Rent-Paying Cat's Meow

I'm sorry....SIKE!

Why do people insist on forcing children to apologize? Aren't apologies supposed to be heartfelt and meaningful for the one apologizing and the one offended? The child, like any other human being, is supposed to "feel" apologetic. And to do that, they have to be aware of what they did wrong, why it was wrong and the consequences their actions. Not being cognizant of the ramifications of their actions will only result in an repeat offense. IMHO, the child will repeat the same offense but will be sure to not get caught the second time being as though they were forced to apologize when they weren't sorry. Apologies are supposed to evince true feelings of penance and personal responsibility and accountability. A forced apology is not an apology.
Forcing your child to issue empty apologies is a sure-fire way to assist them in being socially challenged and to keeps them out of touch of their true feelings. Could this be the reason why adults are so hesitant to apologize in later years even when they are genuinely "sorry"? Hmm....
It seems that way to me. I know as a child, when I was forced to apologize, I would say "I'm Sorry" real snappy or wait for my mom to turn around before sticking my tongue out at the offended just before rolling my eyes. I was sorry that I got caught but definately not for the feelings I exasperated. I wasn't aware of it. I was enabled into feeling so. Thank the heavens, now I know better.



//signed//
The Apologetic Cat's Meow

Que Sera, Sera....

Que Sera, Sera Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see, Que Sera, Sera. ~Doris Day

Will whatever shall be, be? How do we know that?
Here lies my problem with this statement. How long do we wait to see if what is meant to be, will be?
If we act too fast are we being inpatient? If we wait too long, are we being foolish?
If I'm meant to be a wife, why aren't I by now? If you are meant to be wealthy, what's holding you up?
The saying goes, "Don't wait for something to happen, make it happen." But I thought it WILL BE regardless right? R u just as lost as I am? So, if you work your ass off faithfully to do a certain job for 13 years, steps on no one's toes, do what you're supposed to do and is a go-getter and STILL not land the lead role what do you do? What do you say to that? Do you NOT become a go-getter and sit and wait for things to happen? Or do you give reality a little boost? I thought faith, without work, is dead. No one wants to wait forever for something that may or may not be!

Some people are drawn to this statement when if comes to true love. If you are meant to be it will be. How the hell do I know if it's meant or not? I ain't gonna sit around and wait but do I rush it? Do I wait for my Knight in Shining Armour to come and sweep me off my feet or help things along just for him to sweep me under a rug? What the hell? (u like that STICKY?) I don't even like brooms! Some folk go a lifetime searching for a life companion only to die without one. It's not meant for everyone in life to have a true love so how do you find out if you are on that list? I know I'm on that list but are you? If you knew you were on the list would you STILL try and beat the odds or settle for what is "meant to be"?

Grr....I think I'm confusing myself and pissing myself off at the same time! Excuse me while I try and figure this thing out. Damn, wish whatever will be just BE already!?

*walks off whistling Que Sera, Sera. Whatever...* Oh shut the hell up Doris!


//signed//
The Perplexed Cat's Meow

KAmber of DisGrace!

I'm gonna make this short and simple. Yall know how I love me some Grace 'Can't-Do-No-Wrong' Jones! I get very agitated and agravated when others try to immulate her, especially ones that don't come close to the goodness of GRACE. Now I'm sure a lot of you have viewed the catasrophic diabolical HAMASTIC photo of Kanye's side-piece, Amber Rose and her poor attempt to channel my GRACE. (I won't post AR's version cuz she is not worthy). What the hell was the bish thinking? Oh my bad, she wasn't. If she were she would have known that this attempt was a HELL NAW! She lacks the poise, lines, charisma,talent, savoir faire, attitude and GRACE of the Chocolate Disco Diva. GRACE=ART! This piece=ART! Her work makes you think and wanna party. KAmber's attempt, IMHO, was an attempt to extend her 15 minutes of fame. She has to stay in the lime-light some way. It's just another way for her dumb ass to show her ass to the world (I can't really call her dumb. N E 1 that makes money for being the side-piece for one Kanye West can't really be that boorish). Alirght KAmber, we get it. You like being bald on BOTH heads and you want the world to know it. Sitcho cellulitic ass down! I normally don't really care for the bish. Now initally I didn't like or dislike the trollop but now I loathe this bish with a capital LOATHE! I never went in threads talking about her b/c she never interested me but now the beast has ticked me off! Ok I'm getting more furious so I will make like Kanye's dick and cut this short. I hope the O' Great GRACE haul off and bust the bish in her head and yall know she will do it!

//signed//
A very disgusted Cat's Meow