Intimidation is Intimidating Part I

It is lonely being intimidating. Soon, you begin to think something is wrong with YOU. ~Elvadaseleithia

Well you do! At least I do and I have a feeling that I’m not alone in these thoughts, with these thoughts. I remember back in the day as a young Diva with very little aspirations (besides having my own sitcom and all girls school), a body to die for (I still do), not a care in the world and very little education. I didn’t talk much, kept my opinions to myself, was always lady-like, didn’t smoke or drink and would cry at the drop of a cat’s piss. I’d believe anything you say, believed in what you did and felt everyone in the world was about “some good”. Guys would flock to my feet, more often than not, and a few would actually call me. Though it wasn’t a LOT of dates, there were more than few. I mean, they still shied away from this Southern-Gal-Preacher’s Kid but I wasn’t too much bothered by it. I was still finding myself anyway so being bogged down with too many dates would’ve only interrupted the process.

Fast-forward to the present: I know who I am and what I am (see intro above if u don’t) and I love it.  I know what I like and what I will tolerate. I have an extensive educational background, my own business (it aint a Fortune 500 but it's mine) and working on a second plus inventions, I live alone; I don’t have children or a pet. I buy my own shit, do my own thing, answer to no one, have the bestest friends anyone could have & talk to my parents on the regular especially my perfect daddy. I come home when I please, wear what I want when I want and best believe I do it with class. I’m vocal, opinionated and I get answers. I have an impeccable sense of style, walk with my head up, and love community service & the stage. I even go to sleep when I want. But the problem lies in waking up alone…everyday…..for at least six years…well almost 10. We won’t begin to mention the celibacy part. What is the deal? Yeah, yeah I know you may say the same things that a lot of other people are saying, “Diva, you’re just too intimidating.” I call Bullshit for 200 Alex! There is not that much intimidation in the world. When I think of intimidation (tho nuffin really intimidates me…IJS), I think of a CEO or COO with a lotta bank in the tank, fully high powered and will take no trash…not even in her kitchen. One that’s a beast in the bedroom and the board room (am I describing myself? LOL ) with gorgeousness to boot. One that is a cougar, drives a Jaguar, wears a mink and knows Tiger……Woods that is. I mean a la’ Michelle Obama, Tyra Banks or the Great Lady O (Winfrey). I am nothing like this! Don’t get it twisted, I still walk around on tissue for I am the shit but I don’t feel I have anything or am anything intimidating. I mean, I wouldn’t scare ME. I am, however, a force to be reckoned with. I have a high tolerance for things but little tolerance for less. I won’t let you piss down my back and tell me it’s raining but I will listen to you if you tell me it’s thundering outside. I carry myself with pride naturally. It is not to scare anyone off. I’m opinionated because I have a lot to say. It is mostly profound (to me anyway) and my mind and heart can’t hold it all, not because I think I’m the boss and what I say goes. I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination but a bish ain’t homeless, car-less, have a lack of fashion and can eat a steak 3 times a week if I so desire. I don’t relish in the attitude of Diva but I do have the Diva Attitude and trust me there is a difference.  It’s not to intimidate, ward people off or portray a bad ass. It is what it is (and I hate that saying).

Again, don’t get me wrong. Women like to hear that they are intimidating in some aspect. This usually means they are dealing with a buncha pussies (I hate that word 2). My friend Torrey says that I’m just dealing with a bunch of weak asses but damn Torrey, EVERY MAN can’t be weak! I ain’t that strong! Or am I? Where the hell is the middle? If 1 person says you look like a horse you tell them to kiss your ass. If a 2^nd person say it, you would think they need glasses, a 3^rd you may begin to slightly wonder but if a 6^th person says it, wouldn’t you think it’s time to visit Dr. 90210? I mean really, all six of these folks can’t be blind and they all aren’t just a lover of that loyal mammal.  At first I thought that maybe I’m just being a little too impatient but wtf? I can only be patient for so long! Now don’t go into the spill about ‘you must first love yourself before you can love anyone else’. STFU! I love myself, have always loved myself and will continue to myself. When will someone else take the hell over? It aint that hard but shit I am tired! It seems that Intimidation is Intimidating me:(

//signed//
The Cat's Purr

ACCEPTANCE

It's all about acceptance. That's learning to live in the 'here and now' without resolutions or reservations, without judgement, worry or spinning a story about what's going on with the present.

Sometimes we have to agree to experience a situation for what it is worth. Following a process without trying to protest it or change it no matter how uncomfortable it maybe. Sounds difficult huh? It can be, especially if we have not learned the art of 'acceptance'. It is an art. Why? Art involves talent and talent is something your good at naturally. It can't be taught or bought only manifested and enhanced.  There are many forms of acceptance but my main focus is SELF ACCEPTANCE. Without it, you can accept no one or nothing else. It all begins within. Self acceptance is being happy with self, loving self under or above any circumstances. Self validation, self approval and agreeing to love who you are at this very moment. The sky is the limit once one can accept self. Get a grip and come to terms about how you feel about you. Oooooh the posibilities Boos! Ya just don't know! I took it upon mySELF to rewrite Ms Williamson's piece to fit me. It's posted on my mirror. It is as follows:

MY deepest fear is not that I am inadequate. My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure. It is MY light, not MY darkness that most frightens ME. I ask myself, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented & fabulous? Actually, who am I not to be?  BOOP!

Gone 'head and hug you. The real "YOU" and not the YOU that you THINK you wanna be! Now let that marinate for a while.

That's it & that's all if you ask me but yall aint ask me so....

//signed//
The Self-Accepted Cat's Meow

As I Stand In the Presence of Greatness

On my blessed walk to my office at my new job this week, I noticed that I would have to pass a library every day. This particular library was dedicated to one of the most esteemed neurologist and neuroscientist there, Dr Wallace Tourtellotte. I thought to myself, “Who on earth could that be with a name like that and with every doctoral known to man? “Today, on my downtime, instead of Facebooking, I decided to find out. I mean I am an Aquarius. We research EVERYTHING! Nothing gets by us!

What better way to see who this man is than to mosey around in the book repository named for him. Surely, I thought, they would have some type of history on who he was. I thought wrong…sorta. All of the books in this library were under lock and key! What-Sam-Hill-In-The-Valley is going on here? Who locks up library books or any book for that matter? My mind is an umbrella; it only works when opened just like books.  Hmmm……as I scratch my dimpled chin with finely manicured hands. *speaking of which, I’m in need of a manicure* Anywho, I couldn’t help but to stare at the portrait of him on the wall. The portrait had to have been painted long before the invention of stilettos. I wondered how he became to be of such greatness that there is a room that bears his name. I thought, “This picture is old as hell so I know buddy aint on earth anymore. Rest in peace Mr. Man with all of the D’s in his title.” I smiled. I love greatness.

Curiosity got the best of me. I still couldn’t help but to wonder who this man was. I pull up my trusty friend Mr. GOOGLE. His ass knows everything and everybody. I began to type in the search engine T-O-U-R-T-E-L-L-O-T-T-E…enter. As the picture pops up the damn library door opens. Wtf? Who has the code to come in here to damn disturb me? Before I turn completely around to see the trespasser, I hear a voice that says,”Don’t get up. It’s no one of importance.” I agreed to stay seated….as if THIS Diva was gonna stand up anyway. I joked around, “Fine. I shall do as I’m told,” He says, “Great. At least for now that’s good.” He chuckled hard as hell. I decided to turn around to see who is chuckling like Old Saint Nick. My eyes rested upon this very mature gentleman. In my mind he had to be about 110 years old. How the hell is he still moving around? He says, “My, aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes. Hi there you pretty lil thing you.” Now yall know I normally woulda cut a damn fool for anyone calling me a thing but since the word was preceded with ‘pretty’, I decided to let him slide just this once. *smiles* I thanked him. For some reason I felt the sense of greatness surround me so I decided to stand. He told me I didn’t have to go but I insisted. I wanted to go and research my man Dr Tourtellotte in peace. Besides, I would give this poor man a heart-attack if I stayed and flirted with him. “I must get back to work now”, I told him. He didn’t recognize me. I thought it was because his poor lil sight was leaving him because surely everyone knows me. LMAO I introduced myself. He extended his hand to me and as I took it, a magnetic force generated from my hands to my elbow. “Well I’m Wallace Tourlette, So pleased to meet you.” My jaw dropped Honeys! Literally and that’s a lot with these lips of mine.  I looked over at the computer screen with his face on it still. I looked up at the portrait that bore his name and I let out a Diva-ish squeal.“Oh my! Is that you on the wall?” “That old thing? Ah fooey!”, he says, “That’s not even my good side.” I was so astounded! Now yall know my ass is dramatic. My eyes grew extra large and my lips became extra bubbly. “Well I’ll be damned. I was just about to research you.” “No need”, he says, “I am still alive. This is like my second office.” “So you come here to let it all out?” “Yep!” “Well they need to keep your office clean at all times then damnit! How dare they!” I began moving chairs out of his way and immediately became disgruntled at the untidiness of the place. I mean he’s like 100 years old. He can’t be tripping and falling and such. I dusted off his little table and everything. I was so happy cuz yall know my ass won’t even dust my own table, let alone some dude I just met.



Dr. Tourtellotte has dedicated over 60 years of his life to brain research. He has a Ph.D, M.D. and all the other D’s behind his name. Man that is some real dedication to healthcare. He IS a radiologist, neuroscientist, neurologist and author of at least six books! Lawd hammurcy on my lil o’ pretty soul. He’s been doing this since before my mama was born! That means I wasn’t even (yes I’m aware of the double negative) thought about yet! Yeah I know you are prolly thinking, “Ok bish. Why are YOU so excited over something so little?” WRONG! This is NOT little. I love legacies, especially one I get to witness. And the little things inspire me and make me most happiest than the suspected joys of the big things. All that time I thought the old guy had kicked the bucket. His honorable butt is still around kicking buckets. Doesn’t that just beat all?! I am literally beaming. I guess TPTB wanted me to see for myself that to assume is just that---made an ASS outta ME! What a great way to start the weekendJ

Dr. Tourtellotte

//signed//

The Pretty Lil Thing of a Cat’s Meow

YOU don't make ME beautiful!

Ya know, the severity of people's ignorance still amazes me in the year of 2011! But if you know me, then you know that I am allergic to bullshit and foolishness. I try to avoid it at all cost but like attention, ignorance is my personal paparazzi.

Sometime last week while me and 1 of my boos, Jesse, were having a few drinks in WeHo (West Hollywood for the non Cali-literate) when someone of the Caucasian descent inquired about his ethnicity because of the grade of his hair. Really dude? You asked what he was mixed with because his hair was not "kinky like I mostly see"? Some of yall are really growing big balls this year I see. I will say that my boi handled the question with such class and dignity. Now had this question been asked of him about 2 years ago, I may have been raising money for Jesse's bail. My, how my boo have grown.

Now fast foward to today. Idiot savant in class to me: Wow you have such soft looking hair and its so curly. Are both of your parents black?
Now for some reason the hush that came over the room should have been her cue to shut the hell up but she chose to demonstrate this "Was it something I said?" kind of bullshhhhaat! See what happens when ya open ya mouth to say absolutely nothing? It causes me to get in that ass. Tryna play that ditsy role will NOT fly with me bish! It's not cute and the question is NOT that innocent like you are pretending to portray it.

Grace!

Me: Attention all white people, Latino people, Asian people and all the like. Do not ask a black person if he or she is mixed if they have hair like Jesse. Do not ask if Stacey has Asian in her because her eyes are 'Asian-like'. Do not ask us if we are of another ethnicity because our eyes maybe of any color other than dark brown.  MY people's beauty come in all sorts of shades of color, grades of coiffure & hues of eyes. When you see YOUR definition of beauty, don't try and take credit for it! We are beautiful without your blood ya dig! In these days in time, it baffles me how ignorant people choose to be. Yes, I said choose. It's hard for me to believe that in 2011 you still contribute OUR beauty to that of YOUR ancestry. We have green, blue and hazel eyes. WE all don't claim to have Indian or White in our families. Some of our hair is soft and curly and NOT what you CLAIM to be used to. That excuse would have worked in the 40's, MAYBE, but not now. I will NOT sit around and watch you under-mindedly insult my people in public or otha-fucking-wise! You are not responsible for the allurement of my people! Don't merit yourself for our exquisiteness! EVERY race have beautiful people, with or without a mixture. Grace Jones is a beautiful as Lena Horne. Kenya Moore is just as beautiful and Kimora Lee Simmons. Tomiko Fraser-Hines is just as beautiful as Dorothy Dandridge! Stop trying to claim OUR Michael Ealy! He has told you his parents are black so get over it. We don't need your validation to be validated. And just because we may have a surname of something besides Williams, Smith or Thompson, it doesn't mean we are mixed with a Latin Reyes or Morales. We come from countries other than Africa and the US so there are black Gonzales' & Morenos, Burkes & Goodacres so grow the hell up. Quit trying to be a contributoring factor in the beauty of black! It for damn sho' aint cute and I for damn sure know you are NOT that ignorant! What you eat don't make us shit!



Tomiko!



Silence...DONE!

I went easy on that bish this time but with the next victim, I won't be so gotdamn nice!

//signed//

The PROUD TO BE A BLACK CAT'S MEOW!

The Truth Is.....

The truth sometimes make reality harder to live with. The truth is democracy is a beautiful dream but the reality is that most of us don't care about democracy as long as we have stability. The truth is that sometimes we are not where we should be but the reality is we are not where we used to be. How do you perceive reality? Would you rather deal with things the way you see them or deal with things the way they truly are? The truth is, happiness is fully attainable but the reality is, who wants to work so hard to obtain it? The truth is mothers should be nuturing and protective of their children. The reality is all of them are not. Do you look reality in the face and blatantly deny because you can or because you refuse to face it? I don't know, tell me what your reality is and I'll tell you how I perceive it.

//signed//
The Realistic Cat's Meow

No Truer Words...

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will at any cost. One shouldn't bother saving a spot for someone who won't make an effort to stay."

Interesting isn't it. But how does one know if one has made a conscientious effort to stay? This brings me back to my heartbreak. He wanted me to stay on HIS terms. It was HIS terms for a very long time. It didn't work for me later. So, now what? Is he to blame for me not setting boundaries? Did we need boundaries? In hindsight, I am guessing so. Hindsight, however, is 20/20.



//signed//
The Blind-sided Cat's Meow

We Are Not In Kansas Cowardly Lion

     You know what I hate? Yeah, I know what you are saying, "Bish you always hate something!" And your point would be? Don't answer that. I could care less at this point.

Anywho, I hate when people, specifically a male, try to gather information about me by asking me questions in a bish ass way! I hate that! A few days shy of moving into my new domicile, I finally run into one of my neighbors. We talked about his line of work and how he goes back and forth to Iraq for months on end as a contractor. Now, I have already heard about this dude from the previous tenant who just happens to be a friend of mine so I knew the drill. He looked at me all intense as if he was trying to read me. Impossible Boo! Anyway, he proceeded to tell me the happenings in the area and without skipping a beat, his ass asks, "So you live there with your man?" Him don't know me too well do he? *in my Tweety Bird voice* LOL I continued on with, "I have friends in Iraq right now. Some have been there for a while, some fairly new there and a few are coming back soon." He then goes on to say how small the apartments are and how women usually live here with their boyfriends. "What does your boyfriend do?" I deviated to the other neighbor standing next to me and complimented her hair.

Fast forward....

"If I only had the nerve"

The neighbor from earlier, we'll just say his name is Bob though his name sounds like URINE, decided he would walk me up the street to the local market to show me where the good deals are. He got a new phone, asked me my opinion of it, told me some of his business and yada yada yada. On our way back to MY QUEENDOM, he goes, "So I guess your man is trusting. He let you go to the store with me." I say, "Funny. I don't recall discussing a male counterpart with you." He says that he asked if I lived there with my man and I said yes. Now I knew which alley this cat was headed so I betta stop him dead in his tracks before he winds up writing a check that his ass can't cash. "Noooo, I distinctly recall ignoring you actually." One thing I hate is when a mofo ask me shit in the ways of the Cowardly Lion asking the Wiz for some gatdern courage! I'm a direct Kitty. My heart don't pump no Kool aid. "Boo sit down. If you wanna know something, it behooves you to ask. Ask directly and with some balls please cuz I'ma turn ya down either way." He apologized as he should. I can't stand that shit! Don't try to be slick with your shit. You can't slick another can of oil Boo, ya just can't. Lord, where do they find these people? I have already got wind that he likes to show up a Diva's door unannounced. I'll just say this. I am NOT that kitty to do that to. You and I can already foreshadow how that can turn out. I'm just sayin'....
//signed//
The Anxious Cat's Meow